What We Wish\What We Hope For\What Bites Us In the Bum
We are all so full of dreams. We want this and we wish that. And we hope for this other thing. Without any clear direction to it. But you know the saying "Be careful what you wish for...because it may come true."
What happens when we GET what we want? How long do we appreciate it before it's on to the next thing? Cars and books and movies and houses and husbands and wives. And children. How many women long for children and then, when they get them, can't stop complaining about them? How many people say how they can't wait for their kids to grow up, but when the kids finally do, they are the ones we find crying, staring at baby pictures?
There is a show out there called "The Lottery Ruined My Life." As you can guess, it's about how people got what they wanted and then realized it came with a price. Many modern gothic horror films and TV shows address this theme, too. You think you want eternal life? Well, this is what you'll get along with it. Wish for something from a genie? Here's the price you'll pay. "All magic has a price" we hear over and over.
Stepping out of the realms of fiction, that rings true in reality, too. Every choice we make means we eliminate some other choice. Every life path we start down means stepping away from another road. It's a hard concept for some people to handle. In a world increasingly filled with options, we can become overwhelmed by the choices. What if I make the wrong one? I can't come back and change it later. When we close a door, it often becomes locked behind us. For people with anxiety issues, this can be paralyzing. For people whose life has gone off-script, this can be haunting. There's also the fact that, if we achieve our lifelong goal, we can find we've suddenly lost our purpose.
There is a show out there called "The Lottery Ruined My Life." As you can guess, it's about how people got what they wanted and then realized it came with a price. Many modern gothic horror films and TV shows address this theme, too. You think you want eternal life? Well, this is what you'll get along with it. Wish for something from a genie? Here's the price you'll pay. "All magic has a price" we hear over and over.
Stepping out of the realms of fiction, that rings true in reality, too. Every choice we make means we eliminate some other choice. Every life path we start down means stepping away from another road. It's a hard concept for some people to handle. In a world increasingly filled with options, we can become overwhelmed by the choices. What if I make the wrong one? I can't come back and change it later. When we close a door, it often becomes locked behind us. For people with anxiety issues, this can be paralyzing. For people whose life has gone off-script, this can be haunting. There's also the fact that, if we achieve our lifelong goal, we can find we've suddenly lost our purpose.
For many people, the pursuit of a lifelong goal is the reason for living. Without that, we find ourselves adrift on an ocean of possibility. That can be paralyzing as well. For someone who found their mission at a young age, it can be like you are suddenly young again - and by young in this case I mean inexperienced and uncertain. This can be good or bad. It can re-energize you. AARP commercials like to highlight this idea. But, we often spend our youths wishing for retirement, only to find that we are adrift without the purpose that comes from getting up every day and going to work. It can make some people very depressed. In a society geared toward youth, we forget all the knowledge and experience that comes with 60 or 70 or more years living life. Technology may change, but the basics of being human never do. At that age, you can feel like you are young again at heart, faced with the daunting vastness of which road to choose, but with the knowledge now that there are things you cannot do because of physical restrictions or a limited life span. Add to that the idea that people assume you can't do as much because you are "old".
For some people, retirement is a chance to do that thing they've been dreaming of their whole lives - spend the days fishing or writing or becoming what they've always wanted to be. The great American novelist, the gardener, the volunteer. I know one woman who would love to simply be a home-maker and practice the feminine arts like crocheting and knitting and cooking.
It would be nice if we could have our roses without the thorns, but it is true that there is a price to everything. Every dream has a downside. If we account for it in our plans, it can save us heartache. They say "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", but we all know that it is very different when you're seeing it up close. Fame comes with the inability to maintain privacy. Being a household name means that people will grasp on to it and attach it to untruths. Getting to travel in your job means that you won't be home or available for family or friends. Winning the lottery means having to pay taxes on it and needy friends and relatives (not to mention fund-raisers for worthy causes) will come out of the woodwork. Having a family of your own means that it is harder to pick up and do things without a lot of prior planning and it takes you longer to get ready and go places. Children require a lot of money for many things you never even imagine. Babies cry and get sick and keep you up all night. Having the freedom to travel and have a good job could mean sacrificing a family or children of your own.
I'm from a generation of women who were taught from infancy that we could have it all. It took a generation for all of us to realize that it really isn't true. What we can do, however, is make our own choices about what we keep and what we give up. And that privilege extends to anyone these days.
No one's life is perfect; no one ever truly has it all. Acceptance of that can give us some peace.
For some people, retirement is a chance to do that thing they've been dreaming of their whole lives - spend the days fishing or writing or becoming what they've always wanted to be. The great American novelist, the gardener, the volunteer. I know one woman who would love to simply be a home-maker and practice the feminine arts like crocheting and knitting and cooking.
It would be nice if we could have our roses without the thorns, but it is true that there is a price to everything. Every dream has a downside. If we account for it in our plans, it can save us heartache. They say "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", but we all know that it is very different when you're seeing it up close. Fame comes with the inability to maintain privacy. Being a household name means that people will grasp on to it and attach it to untruths. Getting to travel in your job means that you won't be home or available for family or friends. Winning the lottery means having to pay taxes on it and needy friends and relatives (not to mention fund-raisers for worthy causes) will come out of the woodwork. Having a family of your own means that it is harder to pick up and do things without a lot of prior planning and it takes you longer to get ready and go places. Children require a lot of money for many things you never even imagine. Babies cry and get sick and keep you up all night. Having the freedom to travel and have a good job could mean sacrificing a family or children of your own.
I'm from a generation of women who were taught from infancy that we could have it all. It took a generation for all of us to realize that it really isn't true. What we can do, however, is make our own choices about what we keep and what we give up. And that privilege extends to anyone these days.
No one's life is perfect; no one ever truly has it all. Acceptance of that can give us some peace.
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