My 2011 Letter to Santa

December 12, 2011

Dear Santa Claus,

It's that time of year again. I'm trying so hard to get into the Christmas Spirit this year. I celebrate the existence of Jesus year-round, so there's nothing new in that. But feeling the magic that comes from Christmastime is something I look forward to feeling every year. This year has been so hard on me that I'm having a little trouble.  There are so many things I'd like to have and to do, and cheap gifts of candy and books and Christmas socks just aren't doing it this year.  I haven't written a letter to you in many years, so I thought I might as well try it again this year.

I do believe in you. My mother told me once that you are the embodiment of the Christmas Spirit that exists in all of us. I remember her and my father at this time of year more than any other.  I celebrate them in you.

So, if it's possible, if I'm not too old for a Christmas Miracle, then I'd like you to grant this Christmas list for me, if you can. Most of it can't be wrapped and put beneath a tree (of any size), but it's what I really want for Christmas.

1.       A job. A career would be nice, but I'm not trying to reach too far with this. I know I need to do a lot of this stuff myself. A job that I can do with my illness so that I can pay the bills would be fine.

2.       Something I can invest myself in (career-wise).  You know what I mean, I think.   I'm looking for a mission.

3.       Healing in my relationship with my husband, however it turns out.  By this I mean peace and hope for the future.

4.       A treadmill (used is just fine). I just need something I can exercise on in the winter. I watch so much TV these days and have to read, too, that a treadmill would be great because I could do those things while exercising.

5.       A Smart phone

6.       A Kindle Fire

7.       A tablet computer

8.       An MP3 player

9.       A GPS for my car (this will help me when I search for jobs or travel for meetings and what-have-you)

10.   Clothes (snazzy clothes for the job I need to get and some comfortable jeans would be nice too!)

11.   A trip to Ireland, Scotland & England (this one is reaching, I know, but I've ALWAYS wanted to go)

12.   Blessings for my family and friends and all those people who have helped me to stay afloat thus far.

I won't ask for healing of my illness because I think I have it for a reason. I won't ask for my pain to be taken away or for my parents to be alive again. I know these are things I have to accept. But I see the things I am asking for as building blocks and tools to help me do what I need to do to move forward.  Of course, if you let me win the lottery, I could probably take care of everything myself except for #2 and #3. If I win a million dollars, I won't need #1, at least for awhile. It would sure take the pressure off.  Is it silly to say I'm a pragmatist when I'm writing to Santa Claus for these things? :L I don't want to ask for much more than I need.  A little surplus would be a nice offset to that constantly-going-into-the-red bank account.  Whatever you can do, if anything, is appreciated ,Mr. Kringle. I wish I could give you more than cookies and milk. Maybe when you stop by, you could spend a few minute with my kitties on your lap purring? There's nothing like that sound to help you relax before heading off to do more good in the world. 

All my love,

Ilene Danielle

P.S.  Could you bring some catnip, feathery balls on string, and fishy treats for the kitties (Oreo and Lizzie)? I know they'd appreciate it, too! Thanks for all you do!

...in a blaze of colour and light, taking flight!

My most recent Facebook post:

So I'm lying there trying to sleep and failing. I reread the latest article i have on how the first thing to do to treat Fibromyalgia is to get a good night's sleep (and walk). I decide to get online and look up the one neurotransmitter they discuss in the report and there's my cousin-by-marriage, who has described the events of Christmas a few years ago. Talk about a "wake-up" call. I may be jobless, involved a rocky romance/marriage, sick and tired of being sick and tired, and feeling sorry for myself because I've lost my parents and the sense of myself that I had. BUT...I have friends and family who love me and would never let me go hungry, a roof over my head, electricity and (holy cow!) CABLE and internet, and my relative sanity. Doug and I may have problems, but he has not left this earth, or left me with children to raise on my own. The icing on the cake? I still have my faith in the Almighty to pull me through all of this and put me where I need to be when I need to be there. I still am certain that there is, indeed, a place for me in this world. I just don't know what it is or where it is yet. I'd say I'm Blessed Beyond Belief. God's giving me the opportunity for something brand new in my life. And I may be hibernating, or cocooning like a butterfly right now, but I'm gonna burst outta that cocoon in a blaze of color and light and take flight when I'm done with it!!!!!!

And that does a pretty good job of summing up what has been happening in my life recently. Not completely, of course. It doesn't say I am now back in school getting a degree in Business Administration, for instance.  Or that I've adopted 2 adorable kittens who are now about 6 months old. Hopefully that helps explain why my posts have been nonexistent since early July. The few times I did find I had something I wanted to post, I couldn't find the location of my blog anymore! (and isn't that a sad commentary!).

I read over my old posts, though, and I wish I had something enlightening or clever to say this time. I really do.

The sad fact is, I have Fibromyalgia. I haven't had insurance since November of last year, so I am dealing with it with over-the-counter supplements and other "homeopathic" remedies.  All the stress in my life derailed my progress since I found out about it (just before I lost my insurance, ironically enough).  There are days when it has taken all my strength just to do what I need to do in the real world.  Those are the days I hate the "real" world.  Practical is all well and good and honourable. However, for someone like me, it can be totally overwhelming.  It's a sad and sometimes depressing fact.  But I meant what I said in that Facebook post - I plan to come out of this in the end. Probably a better person for it all, too! So, I'm taking it a day at a time. I'll try to write more. I really will. I'd like to think someone is actually reading it other than me! :)