I don't want to blend in. I want to blaze my own trail, make my own way, and be MYSELF. The trouble is...this world is not made for people like me. It's made for people who want to stay in the rut and believe they are rebels because they make 12 choices to order a cup of coffee.
Well, I'd like to believe that, but I'm faced with a reality that is a little different. I have become soft. I have become ill, and I've realized that the struggle against the confinement of my invisible cage is what continues to keep me ill. I envision the life I want, but come up short every time I face the obstacles that are keeping me shackled to this current life. I'm so close, yet I have so far to go. I look at the flat land in front of me and think it's going to be an easy walk, only to find that I can't see the great gorge below me until I am almost in it. Frustration is feeding back into my body and making me hurt.
I want to write something inspiring. I'll say it's for everyone else - because I want to feed positive energy into the world. But it's also a need to encourage myself. To remind myself that we all feel this way. We all come up against life's barriers. We look at heroes and laud them for making the effort, for overcoming the odds. The problem is that, if they've overcome the odds, that means someone has to BE the odds. If the odds need overcoming, it means that the majority of people AREN'T MAKING IT. Not a very inspiring thought, I know. But I'm facing this reality. That this IS the reality. The truth that most of us will not be the inspiring story.
But, you know what? I think that is OKAY. It is how we deal with that failure that matters.
The crazy guy in Colorado who cracked up and decided he must be the Joker from Batman? He didn't know how to deal with this idea.
We teach our kids that just participating gets you a trophy, but that's not true in life. Yes, how you play the game is more important than if you win or lose. But how you handle losing is the most important thing of all. Anyone can be a good sport when they win. It takes grace to lose with dignity
Everyone is good at something. But the hard truth is that no one is good at everything. No matter what it looks like to us, the person who has it all together doesn't. We never see the behind the scenes.
Someone recently said "The problem is that we are comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel." Ain't that the truth?!
It is okay to be average. Average is the backbone that makes this country run. Average is the woman who goes to work everyday to a nonglamorous job (possibly one no one even realizes exists), comes home and makes dinner for her 2.5 kids, goes to bed tired at night, gets up and does it all again the next day. It's a grind. It is not romantic. That's what books and movies and television shows are for. These people we see on television are not the average. No one writes stories about average people. People have ALWAYS wanted to hear about the above average.
What is important is that we are all okay with being okay - at least some of the time. Find something you love and do it the best way you can. Be happy. Be happy with who you are. There will always be someone who is better at something than you are. And that's normal, too. Don't be mediocre. Be the best YOU you can possibly be. No one else can do that better than you.
I had a lot of thoughts when I sat down to write this entry. The concept seems simple and short and sweet and to the point and all of that. But when I started to try to explain it, I realized how large and world-view changing this could be. I had so many thoughts on what to say. This is important.
This is not a rant or a manifesto of mediocrity. I'm not saying not to try. I'm not saying there is no point in trying. I'm saying there is every point in trying. Trying IS the point.
Growing up in the United Methodist Church, we would occasionally sit in front of someone who, for the life of them, could not sing. I mean, really off-key noises would assault our ears the moment the hymnal was cracked open and the organ music would start. But that person would sing their heart out. It was what my stepmother would good-naturedly refer to as "making a joyful noise". I was taught this fundamental lesson - God doesn't care if you can't sing. Your music is still beautiful to him. It's the heart that's in the noise that matters.
I might be burning to sing my own solo, but I know in my heart that what I really want is to find a way to sing my own part. I've been trying to sing with the wrong group - like trying to sing soprano when you're really an alto. The result is a screeching mess that leaves me with a sore throat!
So I'm saying to you - make your life your joyful noise. You may trip over the words. You may be hopelessly off-key. But your life is beautiful to God as long as you are living it with all your heart. And you shouldn't be ashamed just because you aren't the soloist all the time. Think how lonely that would be. Remember, we're singing in a large choir - and we all have to sing our parts. That's how beautiful music gets made.
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