Discipline

"Discipline is Remembering What You Want"  David Campbell

So this is what came up this morning when I hit my “Today’s Bible Verse” application:

“Proverbs 10:17 (NIV). He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray....... Thoughts on This Verse... Discipline is not only important to us, but also to those who are influenced by our actions. So often we undervalue the impact of our personal decisions on others. But God has placed each of us in a circle of influence to be a blessing and a redemptive influence for those around us. To choose what is foolish, to ignore godly correction, not only jeopardizes our own future, but also the future of others.”

Discipline? Ah, Discipline. At times, I have felt this is the very bane of my existence. Not because I undervalue how my personal choices influence others, but because I struggle so hard with the concept and execution of it. Yes, struggle. Truly struggle. I frequently get so discouraged because I sometimes cannot seem to maintain the most basic of self-discipline. My father found this the most exasperating aspect of my character. Time after time during my formative years, he would try to drill the concept (and, more importantly, the execution of it) into my seemingly boulder-hard skull.

It wasn’t because I didn’t think it was important, or because I was actually being contrary. I wasn’t rebelling. I wasn’t being stubborn. And it wasn’t until I was in college that I finally got an inkling as to what at least PART of the problem was. Turns out I have a condition called Attention Deficit Disorder. Good old ADD. Nobody spotted it in me, because no one was looking for it. They chalked up my behavior to being strong-willed, stubborn, high-strung, and lazy, or whatever other adjective seemed appropriate at any given time. I’m apparently in the minority – someone with ADD who “passed” because she does well on tests and leaned toward the intellectual. (This, by the way, is INCREDIBLY unfair. Most ADD people whom I have had the good fortune to know have been creative, intelligent, and even startlingly insightful! )

Now, to be fair, most people will say they have trouble with self-discipline. But, like ADD symptom themselves, it’s a matter of degrees. When I speak of not having self-discipline, I mean it in a profound, life-wrecking kind of way. I mean dis-regulation of bed times, wake times, bill-paying, and organization of just about everything in my life – household chores, hygiene, friendships, filling my pill case, BLOGS, meal times, spiritual worship, and even getting the mail. I’ve managed to learned organization skills that I practice for years, but one bad day forces me to start over completely. Implosion of my routines IS my routine.

Soooo, when I read something like this, it actually tends to discourage me. I think “Why would God want me when I fail God so completely on such a regular basis?” It’s an easy trap in which to fall. But I think it’s just that – a trap. I think it’s true that God wants us to strive for discipline, for order. As my father would say, for ritual. Ritual and routine are incredibly important to human beings. They give us comfort, and they help us to stay focused. Still, God made each of us unique. We are not all called to be naturally focused and comfortable. We are not all called to be calm. Some of us struggle with it for a reason. I’ll let you know if and when I figure out what mine is. Right now I’m living in faith and striving for balance.

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” Edith Wharton

“Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes.” Buddha