Tax Collectors AND Debtors

Someone shared something Faith-based with me recently that I never thought of before. I am used to thinking in terms of being like Christ - ministering to the poor and those in need. I've always gotten that message. That I should be like Christ. Growing up in a church, I always saw myself as the evangelist. Lately I've been going through a lot of rough times in my life and I've been feeling ashamed because it's meant that I haven't really had much to give back to others, even to the point of not attending a church regularly.  This woman pointed out "Look who Jesus associated with". I've never thought about myself as someone whom Jesus is ministering TO.

I have kept thinking about that every since.  I remember learning that Jesus was friends with the tax collectors (like Matthew) and the harlots and the drunkards. After Kim mentioned this to me, I kept thinking about it. If these were the people no one wanted to be around, isn't it likely that debtors would be in that category, too? One of the things I've been ashamed of myself is not being able to pay bills, or having to depend upon others for things when I feel like I'm not carrying my own weight. In Jesus' time, the less respectable people would have included divorcees as well, right? People who lived in ways that were considered sinful. I mean, wow, is there anyone amongst us who can say they have never fallen into that category? But also, those who were looking for comfort and to know that they were not worthless. That just because they were lame or blind, they were still worth something to the Lord.

Could it be that, rather than just listening to Jesus' message as a list of tasks and requirements, I should be listening for the comfort He was bringing, too? For the uplifting of my spirits by his gentle words? 

I grew up as a Christian. I've always assumed that meant that I'm the elder brother of the Prodigal Son story. Could it be Jesus was saying that the fatted calf could be meant for me to share, too?

For years, I have shied away from the messages that have said "God cares about YOU." Maybe I couldn't believe them. Maybe my own depression, anxiety, and low self-worth got in the way. I heard it, but I don't think I listened. The idea that God is a loving God was something I embraced as a child. After my mother died, I think I may come to doubt that.

For years, I have felt that God hasn't been talking to me. Maybe He's been trying to reach me all this time, saying "I love you. Come home" and I've been deleting the voicemail messages.