Those Little Things

A recent post on Facebook started me thinking.

When my mom died when I was a teenager, I went through a really bad spot in my life. At 17, I didn't have the skills to ask for help or for comfort, or to really appreciate it when offered. One of our family friends was a secretary at the high school. Whenever I would come into the office, she would give me a hug. I didn't know how to react at the time, but when I looked back on it, it meant so much to me. Recently, I was finally able to thank her for that, only to find she didn't really even remember it. Point - sometimes the small things you do for people out of the goodness of just who you are can have a bigger impact on them then you ever, ever know. I'd say - go with those benevolent impulses!

Around the same time, I ended up being a Counselor at Camp Penn church camp.  Being a person with ADD and an inquistive mind, I have become really good at making plans, starting them, and then faltering as I try to keep the momentum going.  I am a deeply spiritual person as well, and I have made valiant efforts to read through the Bible (which I have managed to do, just not all at once) and to consistently read a daily devotional, as well as attempts at daily journalling, sometimes religiously-based. In previous years, I got to be what was called a Junior Counselor and, in that role, I was going through a phase where I was reading a college-geared devotional from Radio Bible Class, similiar to the Upper Room, called Campus Journal. For the duration of my week as a Junior Counselor, I was reading it regularly every morning.  I made friends with a younger girl who held the unofficial title of "Pre-camper Keeper." The job essentially consisted of wrangling the children of the counselors who were too young for this particular camp.  When I came back the following year in the role of full-fledged counselor, she had risen to my old rank of Junior Counselor. By this point, I was still trying to read the devotional, but I was pretty much failing to do so. One day, I happened to notice her reading her own copy. She told me she'd been reading it since I had introduced her to it the previous year. I hadn't even remembered telling her about it!

It's something I have thought about occasionally over the years. How many ways to do we really influence the world around us, without even knowing it? How many times do we interact with people, make offhand comments we don't even remember? There's a lot of news out there lately about bullying and how teenagers thoughtless comments have effected someone who is particularly sensitive about a topic. I don't believe for a minute that kids are more cruel than they have ever been. I know that high school has always been difficult. It's not a new concept that we don't fully realize our effect on the world around us. So what kind of solution can there be? The only answer I can see is that we strive, every day, to make sure we are sending positive waves of energy out into the world. Kindness. Generosity. Positive Examples. Encouraging Messages. The little thngs that can be the seeds for big things to grow!

As my sister Noelle's favorite quote goes - "The mightiest oak was once a tiny acorn."

Longing

Screaming heart.
Inside me, the desire burns to turn back time.
Race me back, 5, 10, 15 , 20...
take me back to childhood and naive hope in the future.

Take me back to when I believed in happy endings
to when I believed my generation
was the greatest generation
and that the world saw us that way.
I lay awake at night and feel
the overwhelming longing
for what has been
for what might have been

I wish to run back in time
To be a child again
to be safe and secure
with my whole life ahead.
A longing so strong
my heart throbs with pain

To be again
with my mother and father
in the arms of my family
when my world was whole and soft and bright

International Business - Perspectives

I've thinking today about perspective. In this case, national perspective. I've mentioned before that I am back in school. One of my classes has been about International Business, and our class started off with a discussion about how culture affects how business is perceived, or, rather, how one country is perceived by another.
The United States is a wonderful country. It's my home country. I love her. I love the ideals that founded her - the ideals of freedom and democracy and independence. I am aware, however, that we did not invent these principles. The single greatest thing about the United States of America is that we are a mish-mosh of world culture. Like the English language itself, we have incorporated cultural aspects from all over the world into our culture. We began largely with Scots-Irish foundations, based upon English conceits, Scottish Enlightenment principles and a government discovered by the Greeks. We were not the first Republic or the first democracy. We weren't the first ones to fight. We weren't the first ones to explore our world. We weren't the first ones to believe it was our manifest destiny to conquer the "wilds". We are not the most self-aware people. We are not the healthiest people. We are not the most environmentally-savvy people. But the truth is we do not have to be. We are some of the most mixed people on the planet. And we are, in many ways, some of the most idealistic people on the planet. Sometimes because we pull people to us that are idealistic. And we always have.
No one can deny that we have problems. I think sometimes of the Roman Empire and how it splintered from within and I worry. But we are only two and a half centuries old. We are a teenager among nations. We are still finding our place. We may have been a child prodigy in some things, but we are going to hit our roadblocks.
Lately, we've become more aware of this division within - it's easy to see in presidential election results, when every state is one by a margin of 45/55 or 60/40.  And everyone keeps talking about how divided we are. Personally, I think we need to concentrate on how we are alike. Cohesion comes from finding areas of commonality and agreement. We need someone who can bring together this country - a leader who will, like a diplomat negotiating a peace treaty, bring people together to agree on something.
It's dangerous to try to be a prognosticator. The Cassandras of the world most frequently get stoned for their trouble. However, I will predict this much. If this nation cannot find a way to come together and identify itself as a country again, it will cease to exist amongst a world of interlinked commerce and culture.

The Best Mother in the World

“My mother gave me life and never once asked for anything in return. That is her secret, you know, always giving without expectations. She is as constant as the sunrise, the moon, the stars, and I count on her.  She helps me find my way through the years and makes me laugh while doing it. There are some things that only a mother can do.” Unknown

Not to be Debbie Downer, but this was true except that I never got to have her be there through the years, which makes me very sad. I had a mother who always encouraged me and told me I was a "renaissance woman" who could do anything I wanted to do. She hugged me, taught me to be a lady (a.k.a. respect myself and others), led by example in service to the community, taught me to dance the Electric Slide and the Tango in our tiny little kitchen, reminded me to laugh at myself, taught me to view life as an ongoing learning experience, and encouraged me to explore the world around me as I go through life. She taught me to have a living faith that embraces all possibilities without denying my essential beliefs. The way she approached her death, too, showed strength, courage and faith - and she continued to inspire people even after she died.

On Mother's Day, everyone talks about their mothers being "The Best Mother in the world."  I respectfully disagree, because to me, this woman whose physical presence I only got for 17 years on this earth was and will always be the best mother in the world!

Finding Self

"We don't find ourselves. We create ourselves." - unknown

This is one of those quotes that I have to agree with, but that challenges me at a really fundamental level. It's true, yet not at the same time. Because there are parts of ourselves that we have to discover. Especially if you are like me and feel you have lost parts.

What does this mean? That's what I'm asking myself right now. As a writer, it has something to do with finding a voice. That authentic voice you hear writers talk about in the abstract. It's almost mythical. But all it really means is everything.

Yes, I realize that's more abstraction. Yes, I realize it makes little or no sense to someone who is not also looking for their voice, or has not found it yet. It means to write what is true to yourself, true to your character. I cannot actually write in a voice that is not my own if I am being true to what I am saying. To write in someone else's voice is to copy someone like Ernest Hemmingway or Anne Rice by trying to write the same way they do.

But this quote isn't only about finding a literary voice. It is also about self-direction. It's about waiting around for your prince (or princess) charming instead of getting up and going on the quest yourself. It's about determining what you want out of life and choosing to become it.

It is also false because it implies that we have all the power over the world we create. Sometimes we do not. Sometimes you stumble over yourself while trying to create yourself the way you want to be. Sometimes that is how discovery happens - by accident. Another famous quote says

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." 

But I think the secret is that truth lies somewhere between these two. Life is not going to happen if you are sitting around on your tuckus waiting to look like your couch. Life isn't going to happen if all you do is watch or read other people's stories all day. You have to make it happen. You just have to be prepared for things to not go as you planned them to go.

"Man plans and God laughs"

Timey Wimey...

"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" The Fourth Doctor, "The Deadly Assassin", 1976

So, I kind of cheated. I know in my last blog I said I was working my way through the old series. But I was afraid I wouldn't get through all the Doctors by November, which is the 50th Anniversary of this brilliant show. So, I checked out all the first episodes of each of the remaining Doctors (5, 6, 7 and 8). I'm sorry to say I was not terribly impressed with 5, 6 or 7. The 6th Doctor, especially, seemed pretty arrogant and unlikeable. And the clown outfit didn't help much since I don't care for clowns overmuch. I was tickled to hear Sylvester McCoy spouting a Scottish accent, though. It made me think of David Tennant's own gorgeous tenor brogue.

I did like Paul McGann, though (The 8th Doctor). I'm sorry that all he ever got was a TV Movie. I think he would have made a brilliant series Doctor if he'd been allowed to continue. He had a lot of promise. I was also singularly uncomfortable with the choice of Eric Roberts as the Master. And did I mention that they set it in California and the whole cast save the Doctor was American? *shifts uncomfortably in her chair* That was just....wrong somehow.  (And I'm saying that as an American.) I did watch the documentary that explained why that happened, but it still makes me shake my head and grimace.

Nonetheless, I've gone back now and am working my way once again through the Classic Series, in as much order as possible. Some of the early ones are becoming available on DVD for the first time, so I my order is a little out of order. Today I received The Deadly Assassin from 1976. It's the Fourth Doctor, apparently without Sarah Jane Smith this time. I have heard it's the source of Adam Savage's quote "I reject your reality and substitute my own!" from Mythbusters. I am looking forward to keeping my eye out for that little gem.

Wibbley Wobbley...

"Don't be fair to the Daleks. They're firing me at a planet!" 11th Doctor (Matt Smith), Asylum of the Daleks. Season 33 (New Season #7)

There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes." Doctor Who

Surprise! I am a Doctor Who Fan. Anyone who has read the rest of this blog will not be surprised by this. I'm a geek from way back. Literally. Tom Baker became the 4th Doctor in Fall of 1974. I entered the world the following year and never looked back.

Why am I fan? Oh, let me count the ways! There's the science theory stuff, the time-travel factor, the history ideas, there was that episode where they met Shakespeare and gave a nod to the academics...

And then there's the bit where the 10th Doctor (played by the absolutely fabulous David Tennant) got a DNA sample taken which the alien race then turned into a daughter for him, which would have been cool anyway since the poor Doctor's race had been completely wiped out except for him and The Master (his arch-nemesis). But then, in an odd twist of reality and fate meeting up - the actress who played the Doctor's Daughter Jenny is the real-life daughter of an actor who played the Doctor previously (Peter Davison). And then...oddly enough she and David Tennant hit it off and started dated. Last I heard, they'd gotten married!  Making the Doctor the son-in-law of himself and married to his daughter. LOL Actually, I remember reading that David Tennant was a fan of Doctor Who since he was about 3 years old, so he should be pretty ecstatic all the way around.

Meanwhile, I am still trying to get caught up. Doctor Who has existed since about 1966 and I've been slogging my way through all the available old episodes because I didn't get to see them until the late 1970s at the earliest. Our local PBS station was kind enough to show them on Saturday afternoons and I slowly began to absorb them by watching them with my father. I don't remember much from the beginning of that period, of course. I remember Doctor Who with a long striped scarf, big teeth and funny-looking hair being chased around caves by strange robots that didn't move very well.

I was disappointed to find that I didn't like the 1st Doctor much at all. He seemed like a cranky old autocrat to me. I guess he was a product of the 1960s, but I came to love the younger, more rebellious versions. The 1st Doctor is supposed to have stolen the TARDIS. In "The Doctor's Wife" (New Series Season 6), we finally get to meet a human embodiment of the TARDIS. More to the point, The Doctor finally gets to meet her. It's hard to reconcile the 1st Doctor acting like the 11th Doctor says he did.

The TARDIS: " Did you ever wonder why I chose you all those years ago?"
The Doctor:  "I chose you. You were unlocked."
The Tardis: "Of course I was. I wanted to see the universe, so I stole a Time Lord and ran away. You were the only one mad enough."

The Doctor: You are not my mother!
The TARDIS: And you are not my child.
The Doctor: Since we're talking, I mean with mouths, can I just say, you know you were never very reliable!"
The TARDIS: Oh really?
The Doctor: You never took me where I wanted to go!
The TARDIS: But I always took you where you Needed to go!
The Doctor (brought up short): Yes. Yes, you did.

Then again, we meet the 1st Doctor when he is an old man, so perhaps he was different when he was young, which is supposed to be when he stole the TARDIS, if I am not mistaken.

I do have to say I really like Ian and Barbara, who are the first two official companions the Doctor has travelling with him.  His "grand-daughter" Susan was always sort of ambiguous as to whether or not she counts as a companion. I always wondered, too, whether or not she was a Time Lord. Shouldn't she have been?

Right now I am up to the 3rd Doctor (Jon Pertwee) and I'm chomping at the bit to get to the 4th Doctor and figure out with adult eyes what I was seeing at 4 years old.